Is Jimmer Fredette the Ender Wiggin of College Basketball?

The similarities between Ender Wiggin at the International Fleet Battle School and beyond and BYU basketball star Jimmer Fredette are uncanny. I'm beginning to think they're related or even the same person. Let's take a look:

• Ender Wiggin's mom is a Mormon. Jimmer Fredette's mom is a Mormon.
• Ender Wiggin killed Stilson with a kick to the chest and a kick to the groin. Jimmer Fredette killed many team's chances of winning with a crossover dribble and thirty-foot jump shot.
• Ender Wiggin has done things at Battle School that nobody's ever seen before. Jimmer Fredette has done things on the basketball court nobody's ever seen before.
• Ender Wiggin has a brother who bullied him, skinned and tortured squirrels, and tried to take over the world. Jimmer Fredette has a brother (T.J.) who forced him to dribble down dark hallways while teammates opened doors to try and steal the ball from him, tortures the rest of the world with his rap music, and wishes to take over the music world.
• Ender Wiggin's brother gravy trained off Ender's success in war to become leader of the Hegemon. T.J. Fredette has gravy trained off Jimmer's success on the basketball court (although it can be argued that T.J. has played a major role in Jimmer's success where as Peter Wiggin is a complete douchebag).
• Ender Wiggin broke Bernard's arm while traveling to space camp. Jimmer Fredette has broken several ankles with his crossover.
• Ender Wiggin destroyed an entire race of aliens. Jimmer Fredette has destroyed the morale of anyone who's tried to defend him.
• Ender Wiggin was trained by Mazer Rackham, hero of the first Bugger invasion. Jimmer Fredette is coached by Dave Rose, co-captain of the 1983 Houston Cougars who made it to the NCAA finals.
• Ender Wiggin's biggest enemy was Bonzo de Madrid who ended up dead and naked on the shower floor after picking a fight with Wiggin. Jimmer Fredette's biggest enemy was Tre'von Willis who ended up metaphorically dead after Jimmer lit him up for 39 (I'm a huge UNLV fan so that hurt me to write, but the truth must be told).
• One of Ender Wiggin's teammates, Petra Arkanian, lost her edge, causing the deaths of several starfighter pilots, and had to be removed from command. One of Jimmer's teammates, Brandon Davies, broke the BYU honor code and had to be removed from the team.
• Even Ender's most entrenched haters become his admirers. Even Jimmer Fredette's most entrenched haters (me, for example) have become his admirers.

If Jimmer Fredette and Ender Wiggin are truly the same person then be sure to bet your paycheck on the Cougars to win the NCAA title.

(This is the first and last time I ever write something positive about any college team other than UNLV or Ohio State)

Things That Don't Suck

I must be fair. Here are some things that (surprisingly, in some cases) don't suck.

1. Watching the Orlando Magic get embarrassed in the NBA playoffs - For a sports team that's never won anything, they sure run their mouths a lot. Dwight Howard shutting his mouth will not suck.
2. Being a teacher in June, July, and most of August - You probably already knew this. You probably think I'm lucky. I'm actually smart. I knew what I was doing when I chose a career.
3. The African Acrobats at Circus Circus - This may be the biggest surprise on the list. Circus Circus in Las Vegas has free circus acts, most of which suck. Not this one. The African Acrobats (supposedly from Kenya) are awesome.
4. Being married - Who would have thought this. Marriage is one of the few milestones in life that does not disappoint. You can throw in having children with things that don't suck too.

Things That Suck

Don't believe the hype. Here are some things that suck:

1. Avatar - a cliche-ridden adventure film with over-the-top left wing propaganda and really cool special effects.
2. Ipods - Why can't I just drag and click? Why does Apple need to make everything so freaking difficult.
3. Cleveland Sports Teams - This needs no explanation.
4. Barrack Obama - The great unifier, my rear! Where's the transparency he promised (2,000 page health care bills, for example)? Don't blame me. I didn't vote for him.
   

Why I'm Rooting for the Boston Celtics

I'm only following the NBA playoffs through my Lebron lens. Here's why I'm rooting for Boston to sweep Orlando and sweep the Lakers: Lebron's watching and here's what he's thinking.

1. Dang, Boston's good!
2. We almost beat them!
3. If my elbow wasn't injured we might have beaten them!
4. If I had a coach who didn't get outcoached on a nightly basis, we could have beaten them!
5. Boston's getting old.
6. I'm staying in Cleveland!

I would like everyone to know that I love my wife.

How the NBA Playoffs Have Made Me a Better Father

All parents live for the moment when they realize they are accomplishing great things.

During the 2009 NBA playoffs, I was watching game 2 of the Denver Nuggets-L.A. Lakers series. My inquiring children asked me for whom I was cheering. I said the blue team (Denver).

"Do you like the blue team, Dad?"

"Not really. I'm cheering against the yellow team more than I'm cheering for the blue team."

"Why don't you like the yellow team."

"The yellow team is a bunch of cheating, cry-babies!"

Kobe cheats on and off the court

Ten seconds later, Kobe Bryant (now known simply as the cry-baby to my two older children) slammed the ball on the floor and was called for a technical foul. A dream come true.

"See what I mean, guys," I pronounced. "They're nothing but a bunch of poor-sport cry-babies." A few minutes later I had to check on my youngest daughter who was crying in the other room. I heard a ruckus in the TV room.

"What happened?" I asked.

They both yelled with enthusiasm, "Cry baby fell on his butt!" as they pointed at Kobe Bryant, who had just fallen on his butt. That may have been the proudest parenting moment of my life.

My children know four players in the NBA: Cry Baby (Kobe Bryant), Mr. Ugly (Joakim Noah), Funny Guy (Shaq), and Lebron James.

On Saturday Night, I called my oldest daughter (Savannah, 7) into my room and told her the cry babies were losing by twenty-four. Her response: "The cry babies totally suck." Oh what a proud father I was.

Preparing for the Young Men's 5-k

Wednesday was the preparation for the teachers' quorum (the teachers quorum refers to a group of 14-15-year olds that I guide) 5-k. We did a two-mile run to prepare and I discovered a few things:

1. Most young men have no idea how to exercise. They all sprinted the first 200 yards. Of those who sprinted 200 yards, only one was still ahead of me after 201 yards.
2. Running with others makes you run faster. It didn't seem like I was running any faster than normal. I guess trailing the leader of the pack by a quarter-mile provided enough subconscious motivation to run faster. I ran about 30 seconds per mile faster than normal.
   
3. Running for endurance (10-k and above) and running for speed (1-2 miles) are two entirely different mindsets and skills. I suppose doing one strengthens the other.

The young men must complete the 3-mile run in under 30 minutes in order to obtain my signature for the exercise portion of the Duty to God award. Since I'm 40 and no longer eligible for a young men's award, I just want to finish first. And I will.